Tonight has been strange. Not in the sense that I could do anything about it. My children, as they occasionally do, did not sleep til 10pm (not something I am a fan of). In this bed, in that bed. It felt like musical chairs! So when I finally get online, I am actually too tired to think, let alone write. But I work on the website anyway.
But whilst I was lying on my 3 year olds bed, with him fidgeting and chattering way (along with the constant "Stop talking now, it's sleep time" from me), I was busy thinking about all the dreams, ambitions, that I have had over these past 29 years.
And it struck me that there wasn't many. Maybe I had more as a kid, but if I did, I cannot remember them. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to work with words. I didn't know how I wanted to do this til about 15 years ago, but I knew it all the same. I'm not quite sure how I managed it, but I hid my love of books. And for a wannabe publisher, that seems a strange thing to admit to.
But I was thinking about the things I have always wanted to do.
I want to do a trek somewhere. I was thinking The Great Wall of China or Peru. My friend told me about how he wants to trek Annapurna, I was blown away and booked it. I had been rethinking about it in the summer of 2010, and booked it January 2011. I go in October/November 2012, after graduation.
I wanted a degree. As I mentioned above, I graduate October 2012 with a degree in Broadcasting, Journalism and Media Communications from Glyndwr University.
I wanted to study in America. Since I was 14. This still looks like an impossible dream, but depending on my results this coming summer, I could get a scholarship for postgraduate study. Or I could win the lottery - either or.....
I wanted to own my own business. Registered before Christmas. Dream in the making :)
Once I got pregnant with my daughter in September 2005, or rather, from when I realised I was having her in October 2005, I dreamed about becoming the best mother I could be. I would like to think, when they are my age, they will say that I was, and still am.
For 15 years, I dreamed I would go into publishing, and that is now happened and happening, and I am loving (almost) every minute of it.
Apart from the whole parenting thing, I have only two new dreams since before becoming an adult. One, my newest dream and being just 15 months old, doesn't even seem worth mentioning, as it seems to be a dream only and so severely unlikely to happen that I often feel like crying. The other was to create fund-raising for charity.
I managed to start this dream by using the Everyclick search engine. I then decided to do the trek for charity. And then the book, the blessed book.
So what are your dreams? And do you have faith enough to see them through? I sure hope so. Mine are going to make a fine 2012, and hopefully a much better future for me and the children. If they would just sleep on time so that I don't kill them....
The comments left on Bloger:
C E JonesJanuary 4, 2012 at 2:58 AM
Never let your Dreams die or a small peace of you will die with it.
- Mike N January 4, 2012 at 10:46 AM
miss.surrey, we all have dreams and I think many of us have the dream that makes us cry - "To dream the impossible dream!" - and we need to trust that dreams do come true.
When our hopes seem crushed and life sucked out of us we have two options. We can either die under the weight of circumstance or we can have faith and dream. When life seems so fragile that a slight breeze could blow it away then we need an anchor, a rock.
We can all put on a façade and try to make sure that those around us don't see what is really going on inside or we can be open to those who are closest to us. Yet even then we often don't share our deepest thoughts, our wildest dreams, in case they think us foolish.
Over the last year I have, at times, talked to friends about hopes and dreams yet "the impossible dream" tends to remain well away from those conversations. Yet in the last few months I have been given things I couldn't have dreamed of.
Included among these is a friend who "came out of nowhere", a friend who shares my tastes of music and a great deal more, so is introducing me to artistes and genres that make me wonder how on earth I missed them. I have no doubt that she is unlikely ever to be more than a good friend but that friendship is a wonderful gift and has given me great hope for the future. I am also just about to embark on projects linked to church and have already started as a member of the Board of Reference on www.thegoodbookstall.org.uk
Yet in the midst of all these things I have become very aware that those of us who are now single again perhaps rely too much on dates in the diary, even the smallest thing, and when they get cancelled it can have almost devastating consequences. Each one of these can be like a mini-dream that gets broken. We have all had broken dreams, some of them major dreams and the breaking of them has seemed cataclysmic. Yet we are still here on the path to somewhere. Yes, even perhaps "Somewhere Over The Rainbow".
I will continue to dream. I will continue to press on towards those dreams, even the ones that I can't see the precise detail of - like looking through a glass darkly - because they are the future.
I will continue to pray for you and your dreams, miss.surrey. May each that needs to be fulfilled come to fruition in due season.
- Marcie Coleman January 4, 2012 at 1:45 PM
miss.surrey, I have absolute faith in your dreams. You are a strong beautiful soul. You can acomplish anything you set your heart to. I have never lived my life in order or by the book. I started working while I "should have" been focusing on high school. I started a family when I "should have" been considering college. Divorced at 25 I started college that same year when most people are just getting out of school. and now like you i'm trying to make my dream of being a business owner happen, while balancing children. No time is the wrong time. Just follow your heart and see it threw. One day all your dreams will come true... and then you're only worry will be finding new ones